A Million Little Pieces Of My Mind

Sleep apnea is a disorder that causes you to stop breathing repeatedly while you sleep. This can lower the oxygen level in your blood and disrupt your sleep quality. There are three main types of sleep apnea:

• Obstructive sleep apnea (OSA)

  which occurs when the muscles in the back of the throat relax and block the airway (this is the kind I had, and have)

• Central sleep apnea (CSA)

  which occurs when the brain does not send proper signals to the muscles that control breathing

• Treatment-emergent central sleep apnea,

  which occurs when someone has OSA that converts to CSA when receiving therapy for OSA

Some possible symptoms of sleep apnea are:

• Loud snoring or gasping for air during sleep (more likely noticed by your sleep partner than yourself)

• Waking up with a dry mouth or a headache

• Feeling tired, moody, or unfocused during the day

• Having trouble staying asleep or falling asleep due to breathing difficulties

• Experiencing chest pain, swelling, or high blood pressure in some cases

Sleep apnea can have serious consequences for your health, such as increasing your risk of heart problems, stroke, diabetes, and cognitive impairment. It is important to seek medical attention if you have persistent or severe symptoms of sleep apnea, which is why I made this appointment.

The only reason, this time, that I know I needed a CPAP machine—in other words, that I have sleep apnea—is because I'd been diagnosed previously; and the only reason I bothered to check then was, during a visit, a friend ran through his symptoms (which included high blood pressure), which had vanished after he got his CPAP. So my husband-at-the-time, Michael, and I, each got checked and each needed one.

But ya gotta go through the hoops.

The first step was trying to explain to the dogs why I wouldn't be sleeping with them for a night. (Before you say anything, studies have proven people sleep better with their pets than alone.) We live at my daughter's, and my grandkids are there, so I knew the dogs would be in good hands.

This was my second visit to the Insomnia and Sleep Institute of Arizona, but the first was so many months ago I had completely forgotten I'd been there before, until I spotted the sign. Oh, right—it was upstairs, and the elevator was hidden around the side. Sadly, climbing stairs is a serious effort for me; so you can imagine how happy I was not to find the elevator was out-of-order. If I hadn't been so desperate to get the CPAP machine prescribed to me, frankly I would have turned around and gone home.

When I checked in, among the papers I had to sign was the above, warning me that I would be videotaped and therefore must give my permission. Now, having had a sleep study done those years ago, I knew and expected this.

The bedroom to which I was shown was a fairly typical hotel-style bedroom. However, the bathroom was across the hall. So, shared bathroom (although I didn't see any other patients there.

What tickled me, though, was the choice of TV cable channels. I mean, I have no problem with porn, per se; but considering I've been warned they would be videotaping me, I have to seriously wonder how many of their clients have insisted they can only go to sleep after a little self-pleasuring? 'Cause you know porn channels don't come with basic cable. The Sleep Study people paid extra for this!

They hooked me up with wires and sensors all over my body, like I was some kind of cyborg. They told me to relax and fall asleep naturally, but how could I do that with all these gadgets attached to me? It felt like I was in a sci-fi movie. I did my best to relax by playing with one of those new-fangled artificial intelligence portrait apps.

They had me sleep unaided for about half the night, then woke me and had me don a CPAP mask. Since I loved my CPAP from years ago, that did not keep me awake. At all. I slept like a rock, best sleep I've had in years—but not enough. They woke me sometime around six, telling me I had to return in a few weeks to get the results. Weeks? It seems it's because someone will actually go through all my data, not only the video but every connection that was attached to me. This data is broken into 15 minutes slices, so there would be a lot of them.

So that was it. I was home, still tired but without the desired CPAP machine.

Now I just gotta wait for the follow-up, and, hopefully, a prescription for one.