In 1994, I met a guy named Steve and fell in love with him. 5½ months later, on the day he was to move in with me, instead he dumped me. I was devastated, but found solace in composing and singing songs that helped me process my own, unfamiliar feelings. The end result was this, my first album, about half original pieces and half covers.

You can listen to the whole album here, or visit each track to read the lyrics and play that song only.

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Introduction (The Man Who Isn't There)

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,513
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 1 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (43 words)

Mrs. Capella was my grade school piano teacher. At first she was frustrated that I played by ear (apparently unable to learn the notes), but eventually she gave in and encouraged me.

Heart and Soul

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,626
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 2 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (124 words)

At the beginning of the year, I fell in love…"Just like a fool would do."

Run, Dick, Run

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,718
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 3 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (363 words)

When it finally came time to make a commitment, he chose to return to a bad situation rather than face his fear of trying something new…and, I thought, better.

I Don't Think That I Can Take This

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,665
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 4 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (304 words)

How does it feel to discover you've been used as bait to rekindle an ex's interest? Something like this.

For Every Tree There Is A Soldier

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 3,051
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 5 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 3 minute(s) (551 words)

The chorus of this song came to me years ago as I was driving near the Manassas Battlefield Park in Virginia. Only recently did I understand what it meant: That we create our own realities, no matter how much we complain and insist and whine that it's someone else's fault.

Danny Boy

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,811
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 6 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (276 words)

This song, whose original intent is unclear, was written shortly before the First World War when it became quite popular as it embodied the grief of someone who has lost a loved one to war. Consequently, it has been frequently performed at funerals. In May of 1995, my good friend Tim O'Connor died in a SCUBA mishap in Kittery, Maine. His partner, Jon, asked me to sing this song at the memorial service.

COBOLin'

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,731
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 7 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (442 words)

Sure, I now teach programming rather than do much of it myself. And sure, who uses COBOL any more? But I still think, with the right musical motivation, we could do for computer programmers what Johnny Cash did for truck drivers! This song is my contribution to this proposed trend.

Spoons In The Dirt

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 17
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 8 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (190 words)

Written to be sung as a duet with my college bud Mike Tucker, this song was never sung by the two of us after all—scheduling conflicts got in the way. Still, I love the song. It expresses the depth of a life-long friendship through school days and beyond.

God's Promise

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,941
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 9 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (57 words)

My friend, Bob, asked me to collaborate on this Contemporary Christian-style piece. I agreed because its premise is an important one to me: that we don't need to beg Divine intervention; God has already given us all we need to make our lives work.

Angel On My Shoulder

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,632
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 10 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (45 words)

This innocent little tune from the sixties kept me going for awhile, when I desperately needed to believe that my true love, as opposed to the guy I started off the year with, was right around the corner.

You're My Home

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,571
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 11 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (63 words)

Sometimes it helps to detail what it is you're looking for in a mate. With all the traveling I do, I need someone who can be a source of stability in my life. I dedicated this song to my friend Larry Lynch, who was an invaluable help to me in getting over this part of my life.

The Man Who Isn't There

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 16
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 12 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (65 words)

The last of my "breakup" songs, it's also (I think) the best. It begins with a short prelude for strings and bassoon, before the percussive organ and rock'n'roll kicks in. The words to this song came to me almost fully developed, while I was visiting an ancient stone monument in New Hampshire.

Lost In The Sun

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,702
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 13 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (54 words)

I've been a Fogelberg fan since my pal Mike introduced his music to me almost twenty years ago. This song conveys the loss of control we so often feel when, just as we thought we had things all figured out, we discover everything we know is wrong!

Stranger In Paradise

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,550
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 14 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (66 words)

When I was about five years old, my Mom and Dad used to take me with them to the bowling alley, where they would park me in front of a jukebox. Tony Bennett's great rendition of this song was the record I would play over and over. See if you don't agree it lends itself perfectly to this rock beat.

The Dimming Of The Day

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,600
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 15 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (74 words)

This song puts me in mind of a friend who uses his business concerns as a means of avoiding the really important issues in his life. One of those issues is the person who loves him, yet must live in the shadow of his conventional life. I dedicate this performance to them both, with the hope that they make room for the peace they so crave.

I Know You're Out There

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/13/2017		Page Views: 2,616
Hashtags: #Music #Original #ManWhoIsntThere
Track 16 from my 1997 album 'The Man Who Isn't There'.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (54 words)

Finally, we come to the theme song of romantic optimists everywhere. Once we've tasted love, we won't rest until we find it again. They say you never find love when you're looking for it—but you don't find it sitting at home watching TV, either.

Session

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/1/2001		Page Views: 3,145
Hashtags: #Music #Recording #MusicalArrangements #TheManWhoIsntThere
How I recorded my own album.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (471 words)

When I created my first album, I had to use a professional recording studio since computer recording wasn't yet up to the task (unlike today!) Once the arrangement was good to go, I booked recording time at Gary Agresti's Sound Studio in New Hampshire for nearly all the recording. He has many different sound boards, some of which I like better than mine for some instruments. (One of his sound boards had a killer oboe that I loved and used in Danny Boy; his electronic drum kit had far more options.)