In 1997 I made my first album, "The Man Who Isn't There," out of a breakup I had not finished having. Nearly thirty years on I can do things I could not do then—better tools, better ears, and a great deal more patience—so this is that record made again.

What has come across so far is the originals. Every song I have remade here is one of mine; not one of the covers from the first album has made the trip, and I do not think they are going to. The half of that record I still have something to settle with turns out to be the half I wrote.

It is still being assembled. The numbering has gaps in it, and the gaps are honest ones.

You can listen to the whole album here, or visit each track to read the lyrics and play that song only.

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Oh My Dear

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 10/1/2026		Page Views: 8
Hashtags: #Music
She spun him like a tune, stole a midnight kiss, and he fell for it twice.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (180 words)

A dance-floor romance in which the narrator loses his step and falls in love: spun like a tune, kissed at midnight, begging for one more chance. The same song also turns up as a 1944 vocal-group number and a Bobby Darin-style swing elsewhere on this site. This is the album's version.

Run Dick Run

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 10/6/2026		Page Views: 93
Hashtags: #Music
See Dick play. See Dick score. See Dick turn down every promise of love.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (391 words)

From my 1997 break-up album, re-recorded. Dick plays night after night, turns down every promise of love, and when it finally comes time to make a commitment, he goes back to the bad situation he knew instead of facing his fear of something new.

Don't Think That I Can Take This

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 10/1/2026		Page Views: 89
Hashtags: #Music
He said forever, then left just when things looked bright. Don't think I can take this.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (289 words)

How does it feel to discover you've been used as bait to rekindle an ex's interest? Something like this. From my 1997 break-up album, re-recorded.

For Every Tree There Is A Soldier

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 10/6/2026		Page Views: 7
Hashtags: #Music
A big blond drifter steps off a Greyhound bus swearing he never needed a home.
Estimated reading time: 3 minute(s) (573 words)

A big blond drifter steps off a Greyhound bus, takes a cheap room and a cheap job, and says he has never needed a home. The chorus came to me years ago, driving near Manassas Battlefield Park. Only recently did I understand what it meant: we create our own realities, no matter how loudly we insist it's someone else's fault.

Carry The Flame

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/14/2026		Page Views: 7
Hashtags: #Music
From my novel: a slave's song for everything his people lost.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (201 words)

I wrote this one for my novel, Lucian of Samosata. In the story, it's sung by an enslaved Spaniard, mourning everything his people lost—their homes, their freedom, their dead—with nothing left to hold onto but the memory.

Spoons In The Dirt

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 10/6/2026		Page Views: 9
Hashtags: #Music
Mud pies and real pies, school days and beyond: a lifelong friendship in a single song.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute(s) (202 words)

From my 1997 album, re-recorded. I wrote it as a duet for my college friend Mike Tucker, but scheduling conflicts meant the two of us never sang it together. It's about a lifelong friendship, from mud pies in the back yard through school days and out the other side.

God's Promise

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 10/6/2026		Page Views: 10
Hashtags: #Music
A hitchhiker's thumb, a speeding car, and a prayer that turns into an answer.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (345 words)

My friend Bob asked me to collaborate on a Contemporary Christian-style piece. I agreed because its premise matters to me: we don't need to beg for Divine intervention; God has already given us all we need to make our lives work. Re-recorded from my 1997 album.

Ella

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 10/3/2026		Page Views: 119
Hashtags: #Music
Named for my granddog, after a detour through some very bad Spanish.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (394 words)

A computer can create hundreds of songs in a second but it will never be able to tell which one it likes the most.

The Man Who Isn't There

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 10/6/2026		Page Views: 7
Hashtags: #Music
An empty side of the bed, and the one song I'd gladly get my heart broken for.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (270 words)

The title song of my 1997 break-up album, re-recorded, and (I think) the best of the lot. The words came almost fully developed while I was visiting an ancient stone monument in New Hampshire.

Heart of an Angel

By: Paul S Cilwa	Posted: 8/14/2026		Page Views: 127
Hashtags: #Music
How it felt to fall in love on New Year's Eve, 1996.
Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s) (298 words)

I met Michael in late 1996, and fell in love with him New Year's Eve. We were together for nearly 20 years; and though we aren't any more, we're still friends, and he's still an amazing guy. This song tells exactly how I felt at the time, and that feeling remains as one of my most precious memories.